So Long to Benoria

Well, as you've probably guessed from my lack of mentioning, Ben and I are no more. I started feeling more like a booty call than a girlfriend, so I had to drop that fool. The last time I saw him was Halloween...the leg humping story. He was all about taking me to a movie that next Wednesday and being all boyfriend like. Then, that Monday he asked me if I wanted to go to a UAB game with him instead. I told him that was fine. Wednesday he called to let me know he was going to the game with one of his friends, but we could hang out afterwards. Translation:" I'm going out with my friend to get drunk. Then I'll come over and we can do it." No thank you. I am so past that. I have way more respect for myself than that. Plus, I was really starting to be annoyed by him for many other reasons. So the search continues for the perfect man. I know, I know. There's no such thing, but a girl can dream can't she.

Ho Hum

Well, I didn't go out much this weekend, but I did get alot accomplished. I went to an art openeing with Irish Friday night and after choking down a few sips of wine and lusting after some guys named Chris, we headed to NHP's house. (Notice that was "guys" not "guy". Yep, two hot Chris's) Anyhoo, I only stayed at NHP's for a second before heading out to The High Note and then Banana Joe's. Now normally I'm not the Banana Joe's type, but I know a few people that work there, so I got in and drank for free. Good times. Saturday I layed on the couch for 4 hours, after I woke up, before cleaning my house for 3 hours. Then Irish picked me up and we went Christmas shopping at Target for Angelbaby. After that we were off to my favorite store...World Market. Man, I would love one of everything in there. I settled for a caramel filled candy bar, which was the best candy bar I've ever had. As for Sunday, I got out my Christmas decorations and put some of them around the house before my Pooh Bear came home. He was so excited to walk in and see the garland and Santa Clauses that he ran from one decoration to the other and told me how pretty it was. So, that was my weekend. A tad less party and a whole lot more domestic. Man, I've got to find a boyfriend before I go insane.

Better You Than Me

I have decided to follow the ultra depressing story with a very humorous one. So, the other day I was walking through the shopping center that I work, on my way to grab a soda. About half way to my destination I heard a man yelling,"Ma'am! Ma'am!" I turned around to see an elderly woman walking across the parking lot. She looked like the typical Great-Grandmother type. That's right, Great-Grandmother. She was shuffling across the lot holding her little Granny bag and smiling the whole way. She was wearing the normal Granny gear. Long skirt, sweater, orthopedic shoes...you get the point. Anyway, there was a man about 10 feet behind her grinning from ear too ear, trying to get this lady's attention. I didn't want to stare at the situation, but curiosity got the best of me. I stopped and watched as the events unfolded. As the man approached this sweet little old lady, she turned around to face him. There it was. This sweet little lady had tucked her skirt into her panties. Only they were not normal Granny panties...Oh no. They were THONGS!!!!!! Yep, thongs. Ol' girl was sporting some pretty sexy thongs under that skirt. She had left the house with what she thought was a sexy secret and ended up showing the whole parking lot. The man had noticed and was kind enough to tell her. So, if it had been me, I would have slinked away to my car and sped off never to return to that spot again. Not her. She smiled, pulled the dress out of her crack and politely thanked him. Then she continued on her snail like pace. I guess when you live to be 90 you couldn't give a shit if your ass is hanging out or not. You're just glad to be alive. Nevertheless, my eyes will never completely heal, but the doctor says my nervous tick will subside in time.

Scrooged

Every since last year I have hated the thought of Christmas. The music, the decorations, the whole thing makes me so depressed. I realized how bad it is last night. I went into Walmart for a few items and I thought maybe I would try and buy a few ornaments. My ex-husband and I started a tradition of buying a new ornament each year for our tree. We would go to Walmart and each pick out an ornament. We did this every year for 4 years. We divorced last October and Christmas was so very sad. I figured I could be strong this year, but I was wrong. As I scoped out the ornaments a strange feeling came over me. I broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking all over. I was almost in tears as I walked quickly away from the Christmas department. This really sucks for numerous reasons. As everyone knows, from now until Christmas I am going to have it shoved down my throat. Plus, I have to decorate for my little boy. I may be jaded by my life, but my son shouldn't have to pay for it too. Oh well. I'll suck it up and join the festivities. But, I refuse to wear a cheesy Christmas sweater or snowflake socks.

WTF

Have you ever met someone and sware that you have never seen this person before, yet they act as if you shit in their face? I had a patient come in today that had attitude from the second she stepped into the door. Her nose was in the air and she scoffed at my every word. I have no clue what I did. She asked me a question and I answered it. It may not have been the answer she wanted, but damn grow the fuck up. Some of us don't always get the answer we are looking for. Just suck it up and move on. I just wanted to jump up and kick that bitch in the face as I yanked her weave right out of head. Just the thought of bitch slapping that look off her face was all the peace I could get. What kills me is when you tell them(for example) "No ma'am. We do not take your insurance." She asks to speak with someone else. Does she think we will automatically take her insurance if she asks someone else? Oh! And here's the kicker. She spouts off about how everywhere she's been today she has had to deal with rude people. Can you believe that shit? Why couldn't she have tripped on the way out and busted her face wide open? Yep...it's time for those anger management classes.

Let The Sun Shine In

Don't ya hate it when you get that really annoying song stuck in your head and you only know part of it? Let's test your cartoon knowledge. Do you remember the episode of 'The Flinstones' when Fred dreams Pebbles and Bam-Bam can sing and they played that really cheesy song about a hundred times? The name of it was 'Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sun Shine In'. Anyway, for some strange reason that song popped in my head and now it won't go away. For those of you that are not quite sure, here ya go...

Mommy told me something
A little kid should know
It's all about the devil
And I've learned to hate him so
She said he causes trouble
When you let him in the room,
He will never ever leave you
If your heart is filled with gloom

So let the sun shine in
Face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
And frowners never win
So let the sun shine in
Face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

...do you remember now? Yea, I thought so. There are several more verses, but you get the point. Is it stuck in your head yet? Your welcome.

Trick or Treat

So Halloween sucked. I went to a friend's party on Saturday night with Irish,which was pretty boring. It was the same tired old party we've been to every Halloween for the past 6 years. Half the party sits around watching scary movies and getting drunk. The other half are on the porch smoking and getting drunk. Every now and then the 2 halves meet on their way to the kitchen to scarf down cheese dip and ghost cookies. This year we had 2 porches to congregate on. Our group has divided in the past year or so, due to break ups and disagreements, so some of us were on the front porch and the losers were on the back porch. Anyhoo, we stayed long enough to make the party throwers happy and then bolted. We were all dolled up and wanted to show off, so what better place than Southside. First stop, Ben's friend's apartment. We were the only ones there in costume and I don't know about Irish, but none of the girls there spoke one word to me. Not that I had time to care with Ben humping my leg in the corner. I guess he liked my costume. So from there we were off to Bailey's. We were there long enough to make the rounds and then out the door. We then went to our home away from home, The Plaza. After being drug behind the bar and molested by one of the bar tenders, I hunkered down with my Ben and my beer and watched some guy dressed as the fairy from 'Fairly Odd Parents' play a bad game of pool. And that my friends was my Halloween night. Boring party, crowded bars, and molested by a 50 year old man. Good times.