Distraction

Let's see. What could I write about that would draw the attention of certain people away from a certain story. Hmmmmm. Oh I know! Midget porn. Have any of you ever seen a midget porn? I haven't, but I am very curious. I would like to see just how they..um...do it. Wouldn't you think it would be sort of awkward? I mean with the tiny parts and all. Not just the naughty bits, but their arms and legs too. If the guy was on top, he would normally use his arms and legs for support. Can a midget do this? I imagine him laying on top of his partner with his little arms and legs sorta sticking out to the side. Ya know, cause their too short to touch the bed. Maybe I am wrong. That's why I want to see this for myself. So I can put an end to this strange image. But then I would have the real image of midgets having sex in my head. Man! I guess I can't have it all. Hey, maybe they have to do it doggie. That would put an end to all this tiny limbs business. But, we still have the matter of the ...member. Do you think it's as small as the rest of them? Or did God strike a deal with the midget community? He takes their height, but gives them extra large units. I think I will research this and get back to ya. Stay tuned for my midget porn update.

Charlie We're Getting Too High!

Saturday night I went with my best friend to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". I love that movie! I have seen it at least 500 times and I have it on tape, but it was playing at the Alabama Theater, so we shelled out the $6 to go see it again. I love going to see movies at the Alabama Theater, but each time I do I realize that I need to get there late. We went to dinner before the movie and we were afraid we were going to be late. My friend kicked back that margarita like a champ and I nearly choked on my Quesadilla. We just couldn't be late for the movie! It was going to start at 7:00 and we were still in Hoover at 6:30. Anyway, we get out of there and rush to the theater, scramble to find a parking spot and walk through the doors at 3 til 7:00. We got seated and were proud of the fact that we got there on time. That's when it happened! The organ player started up and insisted the audience join him in a sing-a-long. Bloody hell! The songs for the evening were "Supercallafragalistickexpealidoshis" (Yeah, like you could spell that either) "Mickey Mouse Club" and some other cheesy song that has slipped my mind at the moment. I lost it when the audience started screaming in unison-"Mickey Mouse! Donald Duck!" I am not a fan of sing-a-longs. If our kids had been there I wouldn't have minded so much, but we were all alone in this madness. To make matters worse I had inhaled my Quesadilla to get here on time and acquired a massive case of heartburn. So all through the movie I got to retaste the lovely chicken and cheese.YUMMY!!! I went there to see a Christmas movie last year and they pulled that crap then too. The really bad part was I was on a date with this ultra whitebred guy who started singing along with the crowd as loud as he could. I thought he was about to bust out into the "Carlton" right in the middle of "Rudolph". I could feel myself sliding further and further down in my chair. Where is that big hole to swallow you when you need it? The lessons for the day are as follows:
1) Show up late to avoid sing-a-longs
2) If you see your friend popping Pepcids before a meal, follow the leader